Getting the D
by Moon-Fox13
Summary: In which Jason gets Dick a rather inappropriate Christmas gift.


**AN: This is just a little humorous one shot about a gift that Jason gets Dick for Christmas. Pre- New52. I do not own any characters mentioned in this story.**

It was one of those rare moments in time when Jason was actually somewhat getting along with most members of the Bat family. Though if he was going to be honest, Jason was only being this reasonable because Alfred made him feel obligated to spend time with the family seeing as it was the day before Christmas.

Jason Peter Todd was not a big fan of Christmas. He didn't like to be forced to be nice to and interact with his "family". He didn't like the music, the decorations, and he especially did not like people's shit eating smiles of good tidings and cheer. Jason hated cheer.

But, if there was anything about Christmas that Jason enjoyed, it was the opportunity to give prank gifts. He started giving prank gifts when he realized he had the hardest family to shop for. Really, how do you buy a gift for someone like Bruce who already had everything? Or Damian, who hated everything? Or Tim, who Jason just didn't know enough about to get a decent gift for. Dick was the only one who was easy to get presents for. He wouldn't care what it was, he would just be flattered that Jason got him something.

That's how he ended up here, at the Manor, with a festively wrapped rectangular box. Jason made his way over to his brother Dick, who was lounging on the couch with a book in his hands and Stephanie seated beside him.

Jason tapped Dick's shoulder. "I'm not going to be here tomorrow so I wanted to give you this present now." He held out the gift. Dick took it.

"Thanks Jason! What is it?"

"Open it and find out." Jason said, rolling his eyes.

He opens the present to reveal a blue, electric dildo. Stephanie peered over Dick's shoulder to see what he had gotten. She burst out laughing. Dick was well aware of Jason's affinity to prank gifts, so he had become used to crude Christmas and birthday gifts such as this.

"Why a dildo?" Dick didn't know why he asked that question; he already knew the answer.

"Because you're a dick-" Before he could get the sentence all the way out, Dick had dropped the box and dildo and slapped Jason across the face.

"FUCK YOU!" Dick screeched.

The force of the slap caused Jason to fall backwards onto the floor with a loud bang. Even with the sore cheek and aching back, he still managed to laugh like a hyena.

"Worth it! Totally worth it!" Jason yelled in response to Dick's growls.

Unfortunately, that's when Alfred and Bruce decided to rush into the room.

"What is all this …yelling…about…?" Alfred's question got answered as he spotted Jason and the sex toy lying on the floor near the Christmas tree.

"What happened?" Apparently Bruce hadn't noticed the bright blue dildo.

"Jason made fun of my name again!" Dick said, acting like a child who was tattle-tailing on one of their siblings. Bruce just sighed, Alfred rolled his eyes, Stephanie giggled.

"Is this true, Jason?" Bruce asked his second son.

"No, I gave _Richard_ here a gift and he didn't appreciate it."

"You gave me a dildo and called me a dick!" Dick yelled. Bruce rolled his eyes, Alfred just sighed, Stephanie giggled some more.

"I thought it'd be funny."

"Are you gonna use it? Cause if you aren't going to use it, then can I have it?" Stephanie asked with no shame.

"Oh my god." Alfred said and walked out. Dick picked the dildo off the floor and turned it on to feel how it vibrated.

"Actually, it feels kind of nice. I think I'll keep it." Dick said, wrapping his fingers around the cool plastic sex toy. Bruce glared at them all and left the room with a rather disgusted look on his face.

Stephanie began to whine her disappointment.

"Don't worry Steph, I'll get you one too." Offered Jason.

"Okay, thanks! But be sure to get the kind for women cause that one may be nice but it looks like it's mainly for men."

"Yeah, sure, any particular color you want?" He asked, sitting next to her on the couch, talking casually as if discussing the weather.

"Purple or pink will be fine."

"Do you need some lube?"

"Oh, no, I've got plenty."

It was at that point that Dick decided to leave the two to their very personal conversation.

"For his birthday, you should bake some dick shaped cookies." Stephanie suggested.

"I did that last year." Was Jason's reply.


End file.
